My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
Randomize
