I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
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Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
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I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
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