Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
