Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize
