from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
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After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
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FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
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