why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
Bang-toberfest begins!!
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Randomize
