Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Randomize
