I'm gonna have a badass scar
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
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