she takes plan B like it's going out of style
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
These 25 People Believed Fake Facts For Way Too Long
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
23 Adults Confess The Irrational Fears They Had When They Were Kids
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad