We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.