felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
Guy Shares All The ‘New Discoveries’ He’s Made Since Moving In With His Girlfriend And It’s Hilariously Relatable
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.