i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
These People Made Expensive Mistakes That They’ll Regret Forever
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
Things The Opposite Sex Just Doesn’t Understand
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"