Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
29 Cringeworthy Situations People Realized They Shouldn’t Be In
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
21 Times Karma Showed These People Not to Mess Around
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.