so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
Moan for me like Helen Keller
I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
23 Fathers Confess The Best Way They’ve Messed With Their Daughter’s Boyfriend
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
25 Children of Helicopter Parents Admit The Most Horrible Thing They Were Put Through
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit