arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
Randomize
