Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
