Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
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