apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
She looked like Sean Connery with cleft lip. So to answer your question, yes I put it in her butt.
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
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oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
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