Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Randomize
