OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Randomize
