it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
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