I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
Randomize
