I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
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