question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
Randomize
