apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
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