just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
It's never too late to be topless.
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
Randomize
