Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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