Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
Randomize
