You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
Randomize
