Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
i think i have two assholes
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
I have already put on my inside pants.
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
Randomize
