i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
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