What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
Randomize
