He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
Randomize
