Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
Randomize
