I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
Randomize
