How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
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