I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
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The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
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I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
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