I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
