Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
Randomize
