You smell like a Billy Joel song
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
Randomize
