I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Randomize
