I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
Randomize
