There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
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