alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
It's just like the Real World with babies
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
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