you traded sex for a burrito?
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
Randomize
