so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
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