So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
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