My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
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For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
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"I licked someones beard, because I can."
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
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