I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
Randomize
