Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
Randomize
