There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
We left the knife in your bed.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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