dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
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