I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize