my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
