Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
Randomize
