I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
Randomize
