I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
Randomize
