I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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