So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
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