sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
Randomize
