Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
My life is pants optional.
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Randomize
