You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
