its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
I just want to make out with him forever
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
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