shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
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