I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
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I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
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Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.