he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
23 People Confess Why They Don’t Talk To Their Best Friend Anymore
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
These 17 Delivery Dudes Suck At Their Jobs But Are Winning At Life
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.