I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
25 Men Talk About the First Time They Went Down On A Woman
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
23 Ex Fraternity Brothers & Sorority Sisters Confess Their Most Insane Stories
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.