Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.