I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
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I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
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What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?