i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
19 Teachers Share the Funniest Items Brought to “Show and Tell”
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
23 Concerns People Have When They’re About To Have Sex With Someone New
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral