grandma shit on top of the toilet
hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
These 19 People Are Into The Grossest Sex Fetishes
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
People Weigh In On Whether It’s Okay to Bang Your Roommate
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT