no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Randomize
