oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
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