and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
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