so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
I want her autograph on my taint
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
Randomize
