i just snorted my name. best moment ever
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
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