would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
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