Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
Randomize
