I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
Randomize
