I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have surprise drugs for everyone
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
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